Birthdays

May 23-May 27

Such busy days. Lawyer and talk of wills and living wills.Son Jim went with me and was a huge help.

Can’t find my will. Denial? Cluttered brain?? Cluttered Office! Assistant Alison is graduating this week and so I am on my own in my chaos of hurricane desks and scattered papers enough to print a Proustlike novel.

Oncologist visit with Dr. Brenda Panzera, whom I admire and trust totally. Bloods drawn and my counts are fine. No anemia! She answered my questions. Would my memory get worse? YES. Chemo fog. Glad Jim and Sybil came with me. They asked good questions and consoled me about memory loss.

My adult memories are mostly gorgeous– my wonderful 22-year marriage to Marty, kids and grandkids, friendships, travel, writing books, doing art, working for a better world. (WHEN!!!!) Why, I ask, did those tiny tumors invade such a busy happy, complicated person. In the city, mistakes are made with deliveries. This might be one of them.

Home in time for trainer Marisa. Want to keep as physically strong as possible. She comes 3x a week. Sybil made pesto pasta and other goodies.

Birthdays! Mine was Sunday, My 25 and son Jim was Monday, May 26. We had a combined party Sunday. Daughter Annie and John came up from Silver Spring for the weekend. The whole apartment was festooned with birthday ribbons and birthday hangings and banners and balloons and what fun! (a little little voice. which could only be mine said, Last Birthday, but then the voice trailed away and disappeared.) Lots of great cards, calls, flowers and more flowers. Doorbell ringing with presents. I made one of my “face-collaged portrait” for son Jim. I’ll post it soon.

Ralph gave me an Andy Warhol doll. What’s the message?? Hope gave me a companion octopus for my critter. They’re playing nicely together, nicely stuffed, that is.

Which I was — with a birthday dinner out of this world and fairy wands to wave and phone calls and notes and I felt so well-loved.

A little note here abut crying. I have never been a cryer. Now I cry over expressed love from my kids and dearies in my life. I am either about to cry or I’m wiping away tears. But why wipe them away? Tears like these are to be bottled.

Then the next day,Sunday, Liz and Dick gave me a birthday brunch with bagels and smoked salmon, birthday this and birthday that and Dick who does amazing woodwork gave me a treasure of his work.

And it was Jim’s REAL birthday which we celebrated. It is two days later and we love the decorations in the apartment so much we haven’t cleaned up. So tonight’s dinner guests
will stumble over old festivities.

Today Sybil, my daughter-in-love, gave me a real treat — a half hour of Qi Cong. It does wonders for the mind and body. I will try and do it every day.

We saw a new film the other night. Words and Pictures, Can’t recommend the film except the concept was interesting. And Binoche is so beautiful.

Jim and I shared a pastrami on rye and I had half a dozen cookies but my weight is still too low.

Goodbye, dear ones, till next one. I do not like the word BLOG. What shall I call it? Love, annie